Finding one’s purpose doesn’t come easily and for most people can take years. It took me 57.

Perhaps I was not ready before that time or I wasn’t yet opened to changes.

I had many careers from PA to executives of big multi nationals, to Assistant Interior Designer for a large American retailer, to Data Administrator for an Australian IT company to now a Nutritional Therapist, Lifestyle and Fasting Coach and a Trainee Yoga Therapy Ireland Instructor, running my own detox retreats using the Buchinger Fasting method for detoxification and rejuvenation. The road was long and tortuous in all facets of my personal, emotional and physical life, but I got there in the end and it is the best feeling ever.

However, what I want to share today is how I believe my yoga journey helped me through the hardest, darkest days of my mid to late 40’s when I suffered with depression.

I can remember exactly when my yoga journey started; it was 13 years ago in 2007.

It is interesting for me as I write this post, to think back about what brought me to practicing yoga and meditation. For some, it might have been about improving flexibility or relieving joint pain, but my main motivation was to refocus on myself, my life at the time and my mind. As I found out later on, it did all that and more.

To give some context, due to undealt childhood traumas caused by an abusive mother, I fell into depression. Miserable, and unhappy with my life in general, with being a wife and a mom, I had no desire to get out of bed in the mornings because I felt I had no purpose. I was carrying a lot of anger all of the time, I had many insecurities, lack of confidence in myself and my abilities, and I can only reflect now on how unpleasant I must have been to live with, for my family and friends.

I believe my yoga journey all started from one phone discussion I had with Kate, an old friend of mine with whom I shared a house in the mid 80’s whilst living in Australia.

Kate has always been big into spirituality and at the time yoga too. She was also studying part time to be a family counsellor, so I felt she would be the perfect person to rant on. We were catching up on each other’s news with mostly me whingeing about my life as it was, feeling sorry for myself and looking for a reason and/or a culprit for my emotional pain.

Kate listened for a while and then started talking about yoga, meditation, mindfulness and the concept of looking within. She went on about Yoga, this discipline of body and mind, and the philosophy behind it.

At the time, I felt it was all a bit too much and she sounded to me like someone who was slightly indoctrinated in some sect - because I had not heard anyone speak with such passion about anything for a while. I could not see how this yoga of hers could help me and I was selfishly only half listening whilst Kate was raving on about all the health & wellbeing benefits of Yoga, not only on the physical but also on the emotional level. I silently dismissed it at the time as false promises of a better life for myself.

A few months later, I decided to join a Pilates class. I had not done anything physical or sporty since the birth of my youngest child (2002) and thought it would help me get back into shape (I was mostly concerned about my leaking bladder every time I coughed or sneezed) and I had heard it would be good to build up my pelvic floor which was in bad shape after natural birth number 4.

I quickly discovered that the teacher was also a yoga instructor and she would combine the two practices into our exercise routines - a gentle mix between Pilates and Hatha Yoga. This fitted me perfectly and I really enjoyed going to her classes which I attended once a week for a couple of years until the teacher moved away.

After a few months I was beginning to miss my yoga practice, so I joined an evening class near my home. The average age was late 20’s and for some reason I did not feel like I belonged there. They were also much more advanced in their practice and were doing complicated postures such as head stands for which I was not able yet. I stuck it out for a bit over a year and I now realise this instructor taught me some good solid bases, one of which was to really listen to my body and not to go beyond my own abilities no matter what.

Subsequently to my phone call with Kate and on her advice, I had also decided to seek help from my GP for my depression. She had prescribed mild antidepressant meds and some counselling therapy. By 2013 I was feeling much better and had gone off the meds. As the children were growing up and getting more independent I decided it was time I found something to do for myself that I would enjoy doing, and which would drive me. I subsequently signed up for a nutritional therapy course with IINH in Bray. I had also joined a YTI yoga class an acquaintance of mine, at the time, had recommended. I have been attending that teacher regularly ever since, mostly twice a week and I enjoy Vicky’s Yoga immensely.

In 2016 I proudly graduated with a diploma in Nutritional Therapy and Lifestyle coaching and in 2018 – as I have been a fervent fasting practitioner since 2011 - I decided to further my skills as a therapist and trained as a fasting coach, using the Buchinger method, with the school of naturopathy in Paris, France.

Whilst running my first 7 day residential Mind & Body detox retreat, nature walks and mindfulness, I quickly realised that my clients would greatly benefit from gentle yoga as part of the “mind & body” detox.

I currently bring in a 3rd party yoga instructor but decided that guiding my own clients through gentle yoga was definitely something I was capable of, with training, but most importantly, I know that I would enjoy doing it.

More importantly it was when one of my clients during a subsequent retreat, discovered how enjoyable yoga was. She revealed to me that she had never thought to attend a yoga class because she had no flexibility, was carrying too much weight and basically lacked in self-confidence. I realised that yoga for all was what I would train in as my clients would be of all ages, shapes, sizes and abilities.

For this reason, the fact that in the last few years I have awaken a passion for health & wellness of body and mind, and that I truly want to help people discover the wonderful innate healing abilities we all possess, I am today enrolled in the YTI teacher training course.

After all those years of perhaps unconsciously searching, I now truly feel I have found my calling in life. Combining Yoga, Detox, Nutrition, Mindfulness & Meditation truly gives people the opportunity to achieve perfect psychological, physical and emotional harmony. I trust our retreats promote not only people’s overall well-being & health but also the rediscovery of themselves, just like the lady described above.

So what do I feel yoga brings to me:

Health for my body - before yoga, I was as flexible as a wooden plank. Undeniably to me the results show – I have more muscle tone and strength, flexibility, energy and vitality. I have no illnesses that require medication unlike my siblings (younger sister with bad cholesterol and high blood pressure or older brother who requires cholesterol and statins meds).

Quiet for my mind – at home and outside, yoga has allowed me to avoid taking things to heart to the extent I did before and to stay more focussed while taking the necessary distance from difficult situations. For example, during moments of stress with a particular event or at work, I am more in charge, I don’t get as upset as I used to, I take time away to calm down when in a confrontational situation, or I now know to take long deep breaths and the peace I seek is generally instantaneous.

Harmony for my soul - I am more at ease with doing what I want in my life without guilt or feeling selfish and caring more about being #1. Indeed, for the first time in a long time my life looks exactly like what I want it to be today. I feel inner strength and calm, I feel young and with goals rather than drifting along waiting for the end of my natural life to come along as I felt for many years. I feel alive.

It is funny how life takes turns – all it took was a chat with a long distance friend who with enthusiasm and passion about her own yoga path, made me want to discover this ancient practice, even if I shrugged at the idea at first. From a moment of despair, a call filled with anger and frustration came ... a place of calm and serenity within me!

Even if it was a combination of many things (GP, meds, counselling, etc.) I am convinced that Yoga is part of my transformation. I am completely different yet I am the same person.

When I started my practice of yoga back in 2007, I thought that it would be just a form of exercise. I have since learned that yoga is much more than that; I now understand how it has helped me take care not only of my physical body but my mind too, because through yoga the greatest lesson I have learned is that - non-violence and kindness starts with the self!

Yoga is the union of body and mind and, even if difficult at times, I try to stay in the present moment as much as possible and I appreciate that my happiness is not dependant on others or external events over which I have no control as I previously believed.

Above all, through my yoga journey, I discovered that I had always been a strong, highly capable, independent, resilient, funny and empathic woman with a natural talent for caring and sharing. I now follow my heart more readily with more confidence and determination than ever before.

Namaste